The Abnormal

I may not be good friend, son or boyfriend but I think I am a good person. Yet sometimes I thought that everything that I done was wrong or not in the right path. I’m lack of confidence in my life, I don’t trust myself fully, and perhaps that is why I don’t have enough confidence. For all the time, everything that I did was wrong and everything that I do must have something wrong with it, it never been perfect enough to me or anyone else. That is why I hate myself, as if there is a curse on me that every time I did something, it must have something wrong. My family and my friend, that is all I got right know, but because of my foolish decision or action that I think it’s right to do, I almost lost them, or I already did lost them. I try to be nice or to done something good but eventually someone is taking advantage of me or I being too nice to them. I don’t know how to be nice moderately, the only things that I know how to please my friends is by spending my money on them. My thought is totally different from any normal people, I say something that I think it doesn’t going to hurt them but it was hurting them. I don’t know how to be normal in conversation because I don’t have enough experience in friendship. The only friend that I know since I was kid is my cat. The more I try to be normal person, the more it ruins my soul and life. I could never be normal. Perhaps this is the meaning of my existence, abnormal existence.